Polish Drivers are fast. My family went to Poland on holiday
this year. Great place, great people, great beaches. As usual I opted to do the
majority of the driving as I felt that my blood pressure has had it too easy of
late and needed a good run.
I had used a left hand drive hire car before but on that
holiday we were fortunate enough to have an air B&B next to the most
incontinent birds in the whole of Portugal. These birds had eaten bad fruit or
something and we were parked directly below their favourite toilet tree. This resulted
by the end of the week in a car which was so totally caked in crap that any
slight blemishes to the bodywork were undetectable even to microscopic
examination.
On this years holiday we had no such luck and the cost of
additional insurance was so astronomically high that I decided to forgo it and
trust to prayer and blind terror. This was before I knew about the normal
custom and practice of Poland’s drivers.
There was huge tourist banner at Gdansk airport showing a grinning Polish
soldier atop a wartime tank. The headline (in English) read ‘Poland: First to
War’. Having now experienced Polish drivers I can well believe this. Probably
the polish allied tanks were screaming up behind all of the other drivers and
sitting at 80 miles per hour never more than three millimetres away from their
back bumpers until they pulled into the slower lane in fear of their lives &
watched the Poles swish by.
Now we do have this behaviour in England but it is largely
limited to Audi Drivers (which is understandable. Anyone who purchases a car
whose very symbol is four conjoined butt holes is giving you a pretty clear
indication of their road habits). Usually it only happens a couple of times a
journey & I usually start gently pulling over as soon as I see an Audi in
the rear-view mirror in order to maintain my calm.
But in Poland this behaviour is not just limited to Audi drivers
but appears to be normal custom and practice for everyone. As the motorways are
all just dual carriageways, it has become the normal method of overtaking.
After a week or so of this I had somehow managed to bring
our shiny hire care through unscathed but then disaster struck and we ended up
stuck in airport hire car purgatory. The barrier letting us into the airport
drop off car park dutifully dispensed a ticket when we rolled up for our
departing flight around 5am. Sadly the parking machine then ate said ticket
leaving us stuck between to impassable barriers with my family growing ever
more frantic as the time of our planes departure drew nigh.
In the end (after risking death by driving the wrong way
down one way systems a couple of times), my wife made a tearful and impassioned
plea to the airport staff for help. The sincerity of her message was undermined
by it’s having to be relayed through the crappy barrier intercom and
furthermore by the fact that there were no staff available at that ungodly hour
of the morning. In the end I took
drastic action & dumped the car in a likely looking layby near the airport.
We then route marched the children to the departure gate. From the gate we could view it through the
glass; rocking gently on its suspension as Polish drivers whipped past it at
speeds approaching mach 2.
When I returned home I wrote a sickeningly nice email to the
hire company who (hungry as they must have been for compliment letters to
feature in their annual report) waived any punitive charges. My memories of
Poland are very positive however. We attended a Polish wedding whilst there which
was totally insane. I am used to partying with Brazilians and thought that they
were hardcore but they have nothing on the Polish. The wedding band at our
venue was hired to play from 5pm to 5am. Even my wife (who is an unstoppable dance floor
machine) had to politely retire to our hotel room around 2am in order to
prevent her legs falling off. I think at that point they were serving course
125 of the wedding feast. Phew….what an experience. I would recommend it to
everyone (but maybe get the extra car insurance deal if you are planning on
driving there)!
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