Poor daddy pig, he goes out every day and works his trotters
off to provide for his family. He is clearly highly intelligent & cares
about those around him a great deal. And yet; when daddy pig returns to the warm
bosom of his family they seem to treat
him with barely masked contempt and regularly refer to him as ‘silly daddy pig’.
This is tantamount to emotional abuse in my book & I think that it is high
time that Daddy pig manned up and ‘took charge’ of his household.
I think that we all know where the rot started in the pig
household. Yes, I am of course talking about Peppa Pig, The most entitled and narcissistic
little porker since the emperor Nero was a first turned up at ‘baby gladiators’
Roman toddler group. Peppa basically does whatever she wants all the time with
no real consequences. In almost every episode she is told not to do things that
she then almost immediately does.
Mummy Pig: you mustn’t touch the computer whilst I am
working Peppa and George.
Peppa [touches computer, immediately crashing the programme
that mummy pig is working on] Yes, don’t touch the computer like this George!
Mummy Pig: Oh Dear, Daddy pig.. come and help please!
This episode then has daddy pig fixing the computer and
letting Peppa and George play on the game that they wanted (rather than passing it
back to poor mummy pig so that she could finish her quarterly sales projections
or whatever it was she was working on). What on earth is going on here?
I thought when mummy pig called daddy in (from preparing
lunch for everyone by the way…’silly daddy pig’), it was so that he could
administer swift and merciless justice on the naughty piglets. But no. There
must never be any consequences for Peppa pig. She will just dance through life,
jumping in everyone’s muddy puddles and never having to do the laundry. Taking
the piss out of her dad if he ever has difficulty navigating in the car or struggles
with DIY eats too much.
So, daddy pig has a comfort eating problem. Well big woop
Peppa! I am surprised that your awful behaviour has not driven him to rampant
alcoholism or glue sniffing by now. This madness must end. I recommend a new
episode called ‘Lets Talk about Peppa’ where daddy and mummy pig have a long talk
about how they are going to manage Peppa’s out of control behaviour. Then the
next episode will be entitled ‘Peppa Pig is sent away to Military boarding
school until she learns the error of her ways’ or something like that.
Also the shows creators should introduce predation to the Peppa
pig world. I suggest an episode titled ‘ Peppa pig loses a friend’. One day
Rebecca Rabbit does not turn up for the class field trip and it turns out that
she has been killed and eaten by Danny dog.
Madame Gazelle: What’s all zat muck around your mouth Danny?
You really should make sure you are nice and clean before coming into ze class
you know.
Danny Dog: Sorry Madame Gazelle, it’s Rebecca Rabbit, I was
a bit hungry this morning after playtime so I scoffed her down. I’ve still got
a bit of her leg in my school bag if you want me to share it with the class?
Madame Gazelle: Oh Mon Dieu! This is orrible, ow could you
do such a thing Danny!?
Danny Dog: ‘Circle of life’ miss. [belches loudly]
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